Joseph, an individual living in a small, rural, town has been found to be positive for mange and a human strain of rabies. Professional doctors have estimated he has exactly 24 hours to live. It is 8:50 in the morning, Mountain Time, on Monday, February 9th, 2012. Joseph is in the middle of English class and just sprints out, down the hall to his mom's room and nabs her credit card. Using the credit card, he prints off a plane ticket:
DESTINATION: Miami
LEAVING FROM: Bozeman AT: 10:30
45 minutes before the plane lands in Miami, Joseph yells the one word you don't say on a plane. Everyone decides this is a great time to stress out, yell, and run around the plane. In the midst of the chaos, Joseph decides to nab a parachute and oxygen tank, break the emergency exit, and jump to the ground below. Floating down, Joseph is only a couple dozen meters from the Gulf of Mexico on Florida's panhandle. Running to a nearby fishing town, Joseph steals a small rowboat with a net tucked under the seat and rows out to sea. Joseph spends quite some time singing childrens' nursery rhymes until the surrounding water starts churning with something swimming around the boat. Obviously, it is the breed of mermaid native to this area, Serenatio Toremontallo. One of the mermaids tries to seduce Joseph. This kid about to die did absolutely not fall for it and threw the net over her, tangling her up. She flailed, but to no avail. Once on shore, the weak minded mermaid teared up, missing her ocean kin. Joseph looked all over the boat for something to place the tear in, finally finding a glass bottle. He returned the mermaid to the sea and began trekking through the dense forest. Scouring the landscape for any sign of Queen Anne's Revenge, the colossal ship of Ponce de Leon, Joseph becomes distracted by some kids juggling a worn-out soccer ball in the backyard of a run-down shack. Joseph becomes too distracted and walks over and says hello. The boys speak in a very Southern dialect, speaking like Tituba. The two say they have a soccer game that evening and need two more players. They ask Joseph if he would like to join their team. Of course he answers in the affirmative and the three gear up. While the boys' dad drives in on a windy road to Pensacola, Florida, in a broken-down Toyota, the boys ask Joseph if he was looking for the Fountain of Youth. Of course he was. They knew and Joseph knew so he admitted to having mange and rabies and that by this time, he only has 16 hours to live. The younger boy's eyes glint as he says it won't make a difference. A big flash blinded the four and the boy was right.
In a French news report on Tuesday, the 10th, it is reported someone bombed the United States, missing Miami by a fair amount. A communist sect, based on a globally unknown island, 475 miles south of Honolulu, dropped a nuclear warhead over Florida. The plane was followed by satellite surveillance on its return to the island. The bomb contained a biochemical designed to infect a few individuals. The endorphin in the chemical would enter the brain, partially reprogram it, and reconfigure goals and perceived consequences, leading the individual with one primary function: to infect others of the species. The warfare eventually led to the downfall of the entire New World. You can forget about who will win the presidential election this fall and the 2014 World Cup.
That is quite a last day, sir! Nice job!
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