The Ultimate Blog of Death Personification~October 27

If you personify death as a grim reaper or a Texan wielding a chainsaw, this story may come as a surprise to you.  On the other hand, if you view life as maybe a little man, similar to a leprechaun, running around with a pirate hat, then you may have had similar experiences as mine listed below.


As a ship captain, I, Captain Morgan, would seem to have an only love for the sea.  Not true!  I have a second lover, death.  We got married three and a half years ago.  Before our marriage came the following proposal and description of her.

I was mutinied upon by my crew, and forced to walk the plank of my own ship, a quarter of a mile from a 35 acre island.  Standing on the edge of a long, thick board, out of nowhere I saw her floating towards me.  Time just stopped when I looked deep into her big, brown eyes.  She wore a a plaid black and pink skirt over black tights that went halfway down her shins.  Below that, a pair of small ballerina shoes.  She had a red tank top on, beneath her Adidas sweatshirt.  On her left wrist were two hairbands:  one pink and the other blue.  Her brown hair with sparse blond highlights was put back in a ponytail, with a few strands falling into her face.  Her skin was a darker color, looking like possibly a Spaniard.  Her face had moderately low cheek bones, which came forward to make her tiny, pudgy nose.  Surrounding her eyes were thick eyelashes.  Her eyebrows were very thin, but if any color different from her hair, they were a slightly dirty blond color.  All other features were just nondescript:  no glasses, no abnormalities, symmetrical.  {To my teacher, I'm sure you can guess one last identifying characteristic of her.}  I  just fell short of any words to express my love.  She floated towards me, seeming so much like a dream.  I couldn't help but to meander towards her.  On my way over, I fell down into a puddle or something.  When I reached her, it just slipped out:  "Will you marry me?"  That was the best day of my life.  I spent and am spending the rest of my life with her.  The only thing I miss is I have never been able to see anyone from before that day.  Curious thing, isn't it? 

I only missed one thing:  apparently some kind of contract is involved with marriage that ship captains aren't aware of.  When it is said will you take your wife until death and you marry death, you obviously aren't going to get out of the marriage too easily.

What's in Captain Morgan's Knapsack?~October 18

Captain Morgan being interviewed after the global zombie apocalypse.  Captain Morgan has the most zombie kills and lives in the most style in the post-apocalyptic world.  To help understand his success, we are conducting an interview to find the contents of his knapsack, where he stores everything.

Captain Morgan, thanks for surviving the zombie apocalypse.
My pleasure.
So you are a survivor, is that fair to say?
For sure, and I have a knapsack.
Okay, so take us through the contents of your knapsack.
Well.  The first thing in my knapsack is

water purifier
     in my knapsack
edible plant seeds
     in my knapsack
beef jerky
     in my knapsack
all clothing
     in my knapsack
blankets
     in my knapsack
matches
     in my knapsack
wind-up flashlight
     in my knapsack
canned goods
     in my knapsack
daggers
     in my knapsack
first-aid kit
     in my knapsack
penicillin
     in my knapsack
cleaver
     in my knapsack
automatic pistol
     in my knapsack
silencer
     in my knapsack
lighter
     in my knapsack
lighter fluid
     in my knapsack
rabies vaccine
     in my knapsack
face mask
     in my knapsack
hand warmers
     in my knapsack
zip-lock bags
     in my knapsack
small mirror
     in my knapsack
chap stick
     in my knapsack
nail clippers
     in my knapsack
defibrillators
     in my knapsack
fishing pole
     in my knapsack
flies for fishing
     in my knapsack
solar translator
     in my knapsack
contact lenses
     in my knapsack
glasses
     in my knapsack
oxygen tank
     in my knapsack
taipan venom
     in my knapsack
flares
     in my knapsack
shock collar
     in my knapsack
toothbrush
     in my knapsack
toothpaste
     in my knapsack
freeze-dried ice cream
     in my knapsack
continental master key
     in my knapsack
battle axe
     in my knapsack
King Arthur's sword
     in my knapsack
soccer ball
     in my knapsack
air pump
     in my knapsack
Cadillac Escalade
     in my knapsack
400 gallons fuel
     in my knapsack
spare tires
     in my knapsack
sheriff badge
     in my knapsack
the Black Pearl
     in my knapsack
blowgun
     in my knapsack
canoe
     in my knapsack
solar X-box
     in my knapsack
Call of Duty
     in my knapsack
bullet proof vest
     in my knapsack
fighter jet
     in my knapsack
heat seeking missiles
     in my knapsack
my Holocaust ring
      in my knapsack

Okay.  And these are the average contents of your knapsack?
Yes sir.
You have a pirate ship from the Caribbean and the biggest SUV in America in your knapsack?
No doubt.
And in your list you mentioned your Holocaust ring?
Nope.
Really you just did.
Nope, that wasn't me.
Alright, this has been quite the list.
And guess what I have in my knapsack.
Yeah no, I understand what you have in there.
In my knapsack.
No I heard you the first fifty-three times.
In my knapsack.
No, nope, I got it. Bye.
IN MY KNAPSACK!

Captain Morgan remix of Like a Boss by the Lonely Island.
URL for image:  http://bigpondmusic.com/images/AlbumCoverArt/89/XXL/Incredibad.jpg

Advertisement for Art~October 13

A want ad for the world after the global nuclear winter and zombie apocalypse located in Southern Somalia, inscribed on dried human flesh, written in blood:

Wanted:
A form of art.
A reward of five cans of beans, a water purifier, and fishing pole will be offered to any person offering a true form of self-expression. 
Acceptable forms:  visual, auditory, or a felt object.  The more imagination used the more likely the work will be accepted.  Justification for how the work is art and why it is appreciated to humans is a requirement.

This response to this ad was later nailed next to the message, accompanied with a canvas:

As your fellow survivor, I believe all save a few, unique people have completely forgotten art.  In this new, dead world, survival is nearly everything to any survivor.  Many resources, especially time, are beyond our grasp to create art.  Art sure has seemed to play an exponentially decreasing role in our new world.  In the beginning, many people tried to save art or ceremonial items.  As the global situation worsened, people began to leave all behind, save the necessities.  As I was hiking along a major road, I came across a small wallet size picture of a woman, most likely the love of a survivor.  It must have finally been to much to hold on to for that unfortunate man.  Our small pockets of survivors must find or create more reliable sources of food and water than scavenging to make time for creating and appreciating art.  I came across a man with his boy scavenging around the countryside.  I did not see much art in their lives, despite them being the most appreciative of art I have seen in this post-apocalyptic world.  The father gave his son a carved flute to play music on.  Music is certainly an art once one allows their soul to flow through the wooden device and out through the uncovered keys.  The father has also shown an intense respect for morals and values, an art in our world.  The father seems to worship God, but I am not so sure.  If he does, he can help keep the meaning of the possibly most influential literature alive from the old world to the new.  My uncle passed away due to health complications early in the years after the disaster, but if he were still alive now, he would certainly be keeping art alive through soccer.  He played with anything remotely circular and smaller than a basketball.  He sure was developing a unique style of moves and tricks.  He could never sit still for a mere hour without kicking some object.  What a pity he passed away.  I am absolutely sure that he would have kept the arts alive in this post-apocalyptic world, whether it be through his soccer tricks or merely pointing out isolated beauties amongst this ashen world.  In conclusion, I would call art any form of self-expression allowed to be enjoyed by anyone, including the artist.  This new world may develop a new style or sense of the art world, but I suppose we will find out.  I will certainly be able to make more successful searches of art in nature with your lovely reward.  Consider this piece found in a French warehouse, illustrating the great color from our previous world.
~Captain Morgan











URL for picture:  http://www.theemerson.org/coa/05.jpg

My Sunday Remix~October 6

My typical Sunday.

My Sunday - coolest day of the week
Yo Sunday - last year's antique

My Sunday - drive to church at 8
Yo Sunday - an hour late

My Sunday - recite some prayers
Yo Sunday - a game of musical chairs

My Sunday - grab some snacks
Yo Sunday - a weekly tax

My Sunday - go downstairs to watch Zombieland
Yo Sunday - on the other hand

My Sunday - all my classes' homework
Yo Sunday - meet a repulsive desk clerk

It's time that we let you know,
Dude TGIS.
Day of the week, Sunday is the best,
Rest of the days, sausage fest.

My Sunday - drive the car to Columbus
Yo Sunday - nothing to discuss

My Sunday- play some soccer
Yo Sunday - spend a day in Davy's locker

My Sunday - catch a plane to LA
Yo Sunday - at noon dies away

My Sunday - commandeer a ship
Yo Sunday - needs to get a grip

My Sunday - sail the seven seas
Yo Sunday - buy some Chinese

My Sunday - biggest Pacific ship party
Yo Sunday - escaped to Africa like Marty

It's time that we let you know,
Dude TGIS.
Day of the week, Sunday is the best,
Rest of the days, sausage fest.

My Sunday - best man in a wedding
Yo Sunday - deadening

My Sunday - walk the plank
Yo Sunday - kind of like a skunk : rank

My Sunday - swim to an island
Yo Sunday - size of a hobo's stipend

My Sunday - watch the red sunset
Yo Sunday - year's biggest regret

My Sunday - is longer than yours
Yo Sunday - spent on all fours

It's time that we let you know,
Dude TGIS.
Day of the week, Sunday is the best,
Rest of the days, sausage fest.




Remix of a song by Mickey Avalon